FOUR YEARS ON,
and another midnight passing of no consequence. And I can't be arsed to
change the last record as it spins down to silence.
Now I realise how desperately I long for us to become lovers. For the
simple passion to burn this night away, or for the memory to treasure
for a long, long time? Perhaps both; yet not even that is necessary...
but that we, still fully clothed, merely snuggle contentedly in the bowl
our nest of intimate cushions has become... our foolish babble slowing...
to fall at last to a wordless state of grace. The gentle warmth of her
breath on my neck. The untroubled heartbeat of no excitement. My soft
contentment as I realise she sleeps in perfect trust, untarnished and complete.
I will make no move to disturb. Though turn my head slightly, that a rolling
teardrop does not fall like a night-rain upon her open face. We are as kittens
of innocent repose. So hook duvet carefully with silvered silent toes, and
cover us in quilted, feathery comfort. Slowly, slowly, not to awaken. Ah...
she sighs deliciously, and wriggles closer. It brings out some protective
instinct: gives me strength. The little strength I need to struggle on, to
hope for a world a little less uncaring. For perhaps it's all ending now.
The news of these last days has left me with a feeling of sick horror and
I wonder, idly, if her slumber is a sham. But it doesn't matter; I am
content within whatever fantasy she wishes upon me. Yet now is my own
calm, centred in this night of a world gone mad. And a wry acceptance
that the sweeter memories of this time will be the only keepsake that I
could ask for.
Soon I too will sleep. Despite attempting to stave the
inevitable, to savour our last moments of conscious communion, a world
of dream awaits.
Perhaps we can find a better realm to treasure there. She mumbles something
inaudible. I make a little moue of my mouth, touch with fingertips and blow
the kiss; not a hair trembles on the cherished forest of her scalp.
This could be our domain when the lights go off one final time. If I see
the flash and the sky on fire I'll not awaken you to my hopeless, helpless fear.
Goodnight, my love.