From: SOMACROW
Subject: in the night
Date: 26/08/97 Time: 3:59am

well you guys seem to like my work so here's something i just wrote. Enjoy (hah!)

in the night

dark.
a light in a far-off window - some wretch like me.
midnight wears on infinitesimally.
a plane circles, again and again, unseen in the night
but heard by sleepless paranoids cringing in cold beds.
i have pored over thick books, trying to find myself in the cross-index.
no success.
only dust.
only a hole inside
made not by booklice
but by the factors at the frail footbridge between humanity and inhumanity.
mortality; immortality; immorality. i lie
wanting to hide in the twisted sheets, wanting
to be alone but not lonely-
oblivion-
or assimilation.
these nights are the hardest.
the widespread routine of going to a solitary bed
unaware of the great space around the body, no partner at one's side
is perhaps preferable
to hypersensitivity of the situation.
preferable also
to this sick sensation of saturation
the horror of oneself and one's compatriots in life
the terror of touch. living within a fleshly shell and in others' heads,
becoming to them something one is not, or worse, will prove to be.
i am not a topic of conversation.
i am not a name nor a proprietor.
but i sleep alone.
i am deeply loved and love as deeply as i know how.
that makes existence difficult when the black night takes me by the hand
and digs in its sharp nails of insomnia
and wearied sorrow; then releases.
i suck my palm and wonder when someone will join me here.

written in the midnight hour of august 26 1997; inspired by the songs
"insomnia" and "love is like clock law" among other sources.
"if only the sun would shine tonight..."

love and napalm,
riana